A written impression

I'd like to show you a written impression. Here is how the Brazilian elite of São Paulo, that oh so petite burgeoisie, would sum up the first chapter of the book "Pinocchio" by Carlo Collodi:

"Once upon a time dere was... a CEO? A coach? No, justy a loggy of woody. Itchy gotchy foundgy by a puur carpinter. Dgis carpinter hadgy no shoes. He hadgy never wentchy to Miami Orlando. Dgis vacation we wentchy to Miami, we buyedy dis Niky Air. And she buyedy a New Balance and lots of maquiage in Macy's. You can buy a New Balance on de internetty butty de American one is diferaintchy, muchy better. We also bringy de iPhoney for her and de MackyBoocky Air for me oh, and a Reebocky for Allison, and one Androidy tablety for each one. De screens are so brighty our eyes hurty. We watchy Nettiflix and play Farmy and Sugar Crushy. We wenty to Disney and Sea Wordy in Orlando. No, we don'ty liky Epickotty Center. We liky shoppin center. In de Fri Shopi we buyi wiscky andy vodka andy a new Playstation for Allison. You wantchy caipirinha? Is exclusive!"